Flyleaf

桌垫下的老照片，无数回忆连结。。。

2012-01-27T00:57:00.005+08:00

Hoho. feeling slightly emo now, come to rant at my personal rant-page again.

Went to gather angpow by house-hopping today. Basically we managed to cover the whole of Taiping by going to everyone's house beramai-ramai and sitting there for a while to chat, gamble, kepoh ppl's house decorations, u know the drill! Then dinner at TS (as expected). haiz, the day started off so excitingly but ended too soon for me. It seems like a few hours is really not enough when you've missed some people for so long. HHS, glad you came, and glad I came too. I'd never miss chances like these to recall the good old days...again I'm drawn to the dark habit of wondering "IF". Would it have made a difference at all? Honestly, it's been a miracle for me, to lose something we all eventually would lose, but detouring off to gain extra experience in the meantime. Taiping will forever be my hometown I guess. BM may be the place where I learned the ways of the city and honed my talents, and also where I live now, but never the place I grew up in.

Actually there's really nothing to complain about. It's true that people come together and eventually part ways at some point, I should really be grateful that we are all happy with our own lives and living well, no matter where we are. So there, a few pics here to remember this day.

HHS, apalu buat scratching ur back there?! XD

yes, angpow time!

Chor dai di!

Aawwwww dear panda...

Yes,dunno why I was so serious faced taking pic with our dai-ka-jie, Piggy!

LOL

2012-01-20T17:31:00.002+08:00

Okay I admit. I am a big time underground narcissist!!!! HAHAHAH.

I've guess I've been doing it for years now, singing/dancing when I'm alone and no ones watching. LOL

today it happened again. was packing to go home tmr, and then I put everything in my music folder on queue in playlist. Then came some Avril Lavigne songs, and then I felt IT. The next thing I knew I was air-guitaring and singing/yelling to her songs and pretending I was a rockstar on stage LMFAO.

Then holy shit I was in clubbing mode when Tonight by enrique iglesias came on, started dancing in a style *I imagined* was sexy XDDDDD Suddenly got inspiration for camp to show the "other side" of Lidi during performance. reminds me of the cool DMs during orientation freshie night.

hmm. so it's true, hailing from a family of musical people, I have inherited music in my blood...but somehow it's like my dirty little secret, since I know I'm not that good a performer/musician, it became a very personal hobby to syok sendiri whenever I'm in total privacy.

aaaaahhhhh another catchy song, time to dance/play guitar again. shit I'm supposed to pack and then study ><" The downside of being a Gemini, your head is in overdrive mode all the time like you're on drugs! I guess I'm acting out coz of this frikin headache due to thinking too much and too little sleep, need some physical exercise = get high like no tomorrow!

我不愿意

2012-01-08T16:06:00.001+08:00

今天终于我没有放闹钟。睡到十一点。今天终于我醒来时，没有太多烦恼。今天开眼睛时，终于没有很急着要我做的事情。可是这一切在wifi恢复时结束了。我要面对的assignment全部又来了，要面对的CLS全部也找上门来了。如果fb有一天shutdown, 人是不是可以不再烦？呵呵，没想到我会讲这句话。曾经，fb是快乐的东西，可是现在有时一冲动想要在卸任后删到完CLS的contacts. 反正这一切我都不需要。

说道这里，该讲了，要做我的朋友、亲信，需要的不只是一段时间就能混熟。很多人只不过是我的同事，不要这么骄傲以为你可以就这样要我讲出心声---真的很难。不要在我面前装熟然后平时dont give a damn about me. 假假的关心只会让我想反胃。是，也许是我不懂感恩。我原本就没有心理准备接受这一切。再逼我都没有用。中学时Panda和Piggy你们就懂了，朗朗不要做的事情，就算死都不会做。但是朗会奋不顾身的为了朋友和执着的事情去拼。在远方的你们，还记得我吗？我现在困在这个坑里找不到我可以为它死的那样东西，怎样好？朗朗弱了，而当年孤傲的狼，也慢慢回来了。在这黑暗的夜晚里，我跟心魔厮杀着。

最近可能少唱题，连修养都大不如前了。乱骂粗口，嘴巴乱讲话讨人厌。真的的不像之前的我。唉。

将骗就骗。

2012-01-03T13:08:00.003+08:00

每次就是哄自己说过了这个星期就好，再辛苦一下就雨过天晴，可是每次就是没完没了！！！这世界就是不甘愿给我放松一下。虽然我的自我催眠已经到了一个程度厉害，我不会忘记自己的。

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-26T00:25:00.000+08:00

Wow. Taking a break and detaching myself from my usual social networking made me realise how dependent we have become on facebook. It's like, everything related to your friends, your work, your groups, are all GONE the moment u step back from the gateway of connectivity. A bit scary, not being able to update myself. But the scarier thing is how weird I feel without facebook. Hmm. Technology has really taken over my life. And to top it all off, I just revved this whole connectivity thing to a whole new level by acquiring a Samsung smartphone. LOL. HOW IRONIC!!!!

Still learning to use my phone. It is however pretty limited without a data plan. Funny thing is I don't even have time to play with it or install a thousand apps on it now. Usually that's what I'd do when i get a new gadget. But again, time constraints are making me feel guilty for even blogging. But to heck with assignments, a girl's got to blog when she's got to blog, OK??? (hmph, so much for priorities ><)

Most importantly, had a great weekend with mummy and aunt in KL. On saturday afternoon we went to Berjaya Times Square to do some light shopping and sight seeing. It was all christmast-y and festive and as crowded as the place can get. Oh yeah, nearly forget, I finally had the chance to go to Wisma Kebudayaan SGM to take a look at some fine art, namely purple-clay pottery（紫砂壶）, chinese calligraphy, and abstract art by Tan Tong！felt so small in the face of great works of art...although not as entertaining as musical performing arts that I am more used to, seeing pretty little things that took so much time and love to forge gives me a sense of calmness. As I scrutinize every angle, curve and color of the artworks, it hits me that something beautiful may not always catch your eye at first glance, and may vary very much according to personal taste.

some shots from the exhibition:

all kinds of shapes and patterns of teapots!

clay samples to make the pots. looks more like rocks to me.

hahahahaha....mum with her brown wig!!! makes me feel older than she is when she is so "in"!

the art of Tan Tong (陈东）

ink sketch

narrator explains that woman figure represents beautiful chinese concubine Yang Kwei Fei, and the "tired" yellow dragon underneath represents the Emperor of that time, Tang XuanZhong. The artist's muse is Yang Kwei Fei most of the time...can see throughout his paintings he writes “东东and妃妃”.

Ouchie my bruise from last week's dance is getting better but still turning different shades of purple each day.

请容许我一下子的SS

2011-12-20T17:22:00.000+08:00

Syok sendiri!!!! 哈哈哈，这几天有人赞我跳舞好看，还被舞蹈班的人拉，说我有节奏感~woohoo~其实可能因为在一万年前的时候我有篇过团康舞吧。。。中学时也为了camp表演学过舞（记得其中几首是彩虹的微笑、出神入化、玩酷、high school musical等等）。muahahahah,我学来果然不是白费的！

虽然我的学业真的有点忽略，可是为了做活动我也学到不少东西，也认识很多有才的人。又很多机会给我SS。。。哈哈哈，算起来，应该还是值得的吧。尽情投入去做罢了啦~现在又要开始做assignment了，唉，现实果然是残酷的！

新春加油！

机会

2011-12-17T17:54:00.000+08:00

They say that every dog has its day. Well, I'm not a dog, but I can certainly feel that my day is coming. And I have ambiguous feeling about it. Here we go again, huh? All this time I've been ranting about not being able to unleash my full potential, well now here it is. I got what I wanted. But is it too much for me to handle? What makes me so sure that I can pull it off without poking myself in the eye?

Chance, luck, opportunity, fate, destiny, human agency, all of it works in such intricate,amazing ways. And somehow I have been led on this wild wild crazy epic ride. Yes, indeed my life is epic. For I traverse the paths that none would try. Call me stupid, call me an idiot. But I am all of those things, and much more. Listlessness as I am, somehow I will try my best to make something out of nothing. I can only hope for the best now, as I have one steering wheel and no brakes at all.

Funny, how some will think that I would ever forsake friendship for anything. As far as I'm concerned, it's not happening. Who am I without friends? No great general can win a war on his own, and I am certainly not going to leave my best battle buddy behind. You chose me, and now, I will choose you too.

15th CLSC OSE, here I come!

吃蛇。

2011-12-11T12:48:00.000+08:00

对咯。我其实很会“吃蛇”的。workshop迟迟才去。开会放空幻想。功课又随便乱做，还有assignment"假死"推给朋友做。。。很够力。现在已经开始被朋友骂了。要我怎样？又开会又卖东西？还是边workshop边做sandwich?我也不想这样的。尽量啦。。。至少还有露脸scan过做两下工才跑。"可唯老师"讲的...每个人都有一样的时间，只看我们选择要发展哪一方面，把时间投资在哪里罢了。

我确信这条路是对我有好处的。当初祈求的东西几乎都实现了，现在我要做的就是坚持下去。一年后再换个方向吧。那时我应该会知道自己要的是什么东西了。我应该荣幸自己有机会做个“年轻有为”的成功人。对那些只会读书什么活动都没有参的咖，真的觉得可惜。啧啧啧。现在心情突然变perasan了。哈哈。就是这段骄傲使我从来不想输给自己。像匹骏马，永远的抬头用力奔跑，象征着力量、自有、热血、勇气。

可是讲到底，没有必要我去做的东西我就会吃蛇！

就让我很吵地哭一下就好。

2011-12-11T00:14:00.000+08:00

本来要做assignment的。现在用了不懂多少张tissue擦眼泪鼻涕了。我很想家。那天裕航说有机会就要回家看父母，不然像我们这种久久才回一次家的人。。。突然看到父母老去真的很伤心。从那天就开始很想家了。那个星期Agnes没去Funding, 照样回家了。我只好特地很努力去工作，去忘记，去麻醉我的“离乡愁”。对啊，每次都这样，想到自己不可以辜负家人，要好好活下去。就拼命去活，拼了小命去死。现在？拼命去伤心地哭一场。

今天中午跟mummy玩Skype, 我很不像平时开朗的自己，我很想要当场就哭，所以压抑着不敢讲太多话，怕控制不住眼泪。我不要她担心我。她说我又变瘦了，头发长了。十二月还要来看看我，带我去KL阿姨家，去买新年衣，因为等我回去时已经没有时间了。对啊。干他狗娘的MMU什么烂时间分配。搞到我妈一直问我几时回家。搞到我没有很好的答案可以给。最后等end call的那秒我才崩溃。现在再崩溃多一次吧。哭到几乎呼吸不到了。

又和HHS聊天了。他不想家。不觉得有什么好想念的。我不怪他。我懂他家的状况，而这些月，我认识了好多人，接受了每个人的不同观点。就算有的人真的不珍惜父母，但是有句话，每次看了，我都想流泪。

父母和孩子的关系，就像是两个朝反方向走的人，你只能看着对方的背影远去，而那背影也仿佛告诉你：“不必追了。”

哇~~~我是爱哭鬼！！！！！呜呜呜~~~诸天善神 please help me...I need you now so much. please watch over my parents and everyone I care about for me. 这几天我真的感受到各种各样的情绪，失去很多，又得到很多，看不开，心很乱。好吧，今天哭一下，放纵一下。明天以后，又是新的一场战斗。干，功课又拖一天了。都说go for broke了，If you risk nothing, you risk anything.死就死吧！！！！

I am speechless.

2011-12-08T02:57:00.000+08:00

The moment I started writing this blog someone messaged me on fb to silence me again. When in fact I have never even spoken. I dunno. I am “imba” now, and I am bad at expressing my innermost feelings to people whom I've just known for a few months. And yet the one that I want to get attention from is never around when I need it the most. But somehow, I am throwing myself into some funny-ass behaviourism and relationships that I never thought I would engage in. I suspect somehow all of this is related to the fact that I am unhappy? Therefore I get involved in self-destructive crazy behaviors?就算是邪恶，至少我换来短暂的麻醉药。请不要断定我这就是乱来。也不是滥情。

要我分享？可以。只是不是当众。

要说明我做特询的难处，真的不知道从哪里开始。我知道我没有经验，没有资格，没有权利做任何重要决定。因此有时连个工委都不如。除了露脸出席这个出席那个假装很有用，我真的不知道要做什么了。真的很尴尬。要在新春说我在理事哪里的存在感？还是要在理事会哭诉我的无助无奈？唉~~~还像都不是。岂有此理，我干嘛那么努力。不过为了不要留痛脚给人家日后批评罢了。

做特询的，没有一个副总策划可以依赖，没有所谓工作可以分担，就是单人匹马地杀进去，然后孤独地守城。要向人发牢骚又有谁懂？Bro,你都已经睡了，又怎会了解我在火什么呢。其实我也不懂自己在火个屁。总之越想越乱。

怎么我每次都这样。每次都容易妒忌人家有的东西，然后自己却很不知足地怪自己不好。IMBA。睡不着。以为现在考完试了可以轻松一下。就让我特地迟睡发泄一下吧。其实还有很多东西可以忙，可是我如果不现在发泄，下一秒不懂会不会开始挥拳打人（枕头）了。看我几时IMBA过头丢信。可是我懂我不会那么做。原因还是因为不要被人看不起。

爱就勇敢，不爱就坚强。LK，谢谢你教会我这句。就算我们现在真的是个错误，就当我年少轻狂吧！I have not been chanting for a long time. Is that why I'm feeling much less courageous to face the days and also less enlightened these days? Consciousness doesn't exists for me now. Just routines and schedules and chains and the thousand things I can only look at from inside my prison cell. Cmon, when am I gonna break free...! 简单讲，学习与成长是痛苦的。可是究竟在学什么东西呢？有待考虑。

Internet down = life back to normal pace.

2011-12-05T18:35:00.000+08:00

Woots. the night the internet went dead for me was the night i finally got to slow down coz I was forced to. Had a good time reading and playing guitar like "today i dont feel like doin anythin~". I feel bad for learning for so long and losing it all gradually because of the stupid word "busy". music and creative work has to be done when u're in the mood and have the energy. You couldn't even play a chord when u've worked your ass off all day, trust me.

Recently have a feeling that we need to have lapses of nothingness and boredom once in a while to reset the balance of work and play. The grey area of self reflection and pure deep thoughts. Nothing deliberate, just letting ur mind wander and make its way through everything. A confined body does not restrict the freedom of mind...but an over-occupied life does.

The key to handling is to go into turbo mode and crunch all your assignments within minimum time possible and leave time for studying and chillaxing. Like I did this weekend. And so I felt much less stress even after 2 days contributing to CNYE for funding and workshops. Hmm. This strategy not bad. I should use my free time now to crunch prob n stats btw, midterms coming up in 2 days time. God help me....

Business project kicked off today. Not bad leh our sales for day one. and thennnn.....I FORGOT THAT I HAD PRESENTATION TODAY OMFGGGGGGG!!!!! LOLLLL but guess what we still did great! I feel so blessed la...that at least I have good friends reminding the blur-blur me about my daily routines. ugh. that's how forgetful I am.

Listening to Teng on RMMU now talking about lack of sleep. oh-gee lack of sleep makes us forgetful? makes us fat(THAT IS SO WRONGGGG)? make us look bad? make us die faster? omg i wan to off the radio now and sleep lol.

Just kidding. of course not. I have midterms and business sales to do remember? Till next time. Ciao

Rest.

2011-12-02T23:41:00.000+08:00

It feels good to cut myself some slack. Why should I compare what I do, with what others can do anyway? We all have our limits and the freedom of choice to choose how to allocate our time. Hmm. How is it that I feel that there are two possible reasons for why I am getting burnt out:

A) I work too hard, no time to sleep?
B) I'm NOT working hard ENOUGH, resulting in everything piling up and stress itself killing me slowly.

But there you go, a promise is to be guarded for as long as it's valid, and you are breathing. And I am aware that because of overworking myself lately, I have commitment trauma. I will always read through all the terms and conditions now before I sign the contract =_=

Have not read for leisure/played guitar for fun/played AOE3/had time for quiet reflection/laze around thinking about nothing for ages. Oooooo c'mere c'mere August 2012~ Let me at least enjoy the last 4 months b4 the world ends. =D

Week 8,9,10!

2011-11-29T23:58:00.000+08:00

CLS week, CNYE promo week, Business Project period, Comp Apps assignment deadline, Critical Thinking presentation, preparation for final business presentation, MIDTERM EXAMS!

WHEEEEEEEEEE~ ~ ~!!! THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING MORE AND MORE *FUN*!!!!!!!!

Assignments. The onslaught of endless work.

2011-11-25T00:54:00.000+08:00

I am typing this to remind myself that I am here to get REAL education. I shall not be confined to whatever is in the textbook. Or that which is forced upon me by lecturers in assignments. I am getting excited about choosing a topic for computer applications now. Because I just had a eureka moment----AI. Artificial Intelligence.

My fingers can no longer control the typos coming out on the screen due to my anticipation of what I shall learn from this. Yes, that's what I shall write about. I shall not dissapoint myself and the idea itself.

其实我已经没有人可以给我抱怨了。

2011-11-24T02:36:00.000+08:00

最终，最了解自己的还是自己。什么狗屎神鬼“好友”只不过是我的遐想。Wishful thinking成了我的最家拍档。所以，只能默默承受着。

哈哈，我还真是的。。。

2011-11-23T00:32:00.000+08:00

其实我要急什么咧？一切就交给御本尊，交给缘分，交给自己的宿命，顺其自然。我想，他会是一个很特别，可是又很普通的人。I don't fall easily now because I can still choose not to, but one day when I can't help but fall, I think I will fall hard.

A song to myself,
"someone, somewhere", by jason reeves

他日回首，会心一笑。

2011-11-21T00:47:00.000+08:00

Just came back from watching 那些年，damn it was awesome like everyone said it would be. But then again, I din expect anything less from Giddens, a true master of stories. 看了这部电影，才真的了解什么叫做热血，什么叫青春。九把刀，你他妈的真棒。对啊，要笑就大声乱笑出来，要momo就干脆一点不要限制自己的感情。该做的事情就去热血地做。“人生很多事情本来就是徒劳无功的”，对细节干嘛要考虑这么多啊！这道路本来就不容易走，走错了一步，难道就要停吗？我说TMD将错就错。。。路，是人走出来的。反正，我不打算有任何遗憾！

不平衡。就是不平衡就对了。

2011-11-20T13:16:00.002+08:00

我应该怎样做？什么样的决定不会让我后悔？

Upon request, and necessity.

2011-11-20T00:17:00.000+08:00

updating in a very sloppy fashion today. it aint gonna be today for long anyway since it's almost midnight. just wanted to spend some time recording some things that happened recently...

last night was awesome interaction with CLSM. I almost wish that I could to melaka campus and experience it for myself their culture and styles, all in all i'm happy to meet new friends that share the same battle with us, although i am once more known as "the youngest one" amongst them. haha. it's ok i guess. better than being called old!

last week, CNYE finally started off with our charity food fair. all i can say is that we did our best and the outcome was not bad! tmr, we will be having charity run, wish us luck!

now that CNYE is happening, it wont b long b4 it ends...and then i will have some new job to handle---OSE! honestly i am kinda itching for some action this time instead of waiting outside the lines, even though i know it will be even busier 4 me. haiz. sometimes the battles choose you.

have had much less time to reflect or do daimoku recently. i steal a few solitary moments alone whenever i can to offer appreciation to Gohonzon, and I pray that it's enough for me to find the wisdom I'm looking for...plus the THS exhibition that's coming soon....what to do what to do what to do!!!!!

relationship status? complicated. what can I say? I flow with the flow~most of the time I'm looking for something I'm not sure exists in this dimension, how could I ever know when it appears? bah stop talking emo shit again. too pointless.

well, no matter what, just keep your head up and swim~

I'm back.

2011-10-15T23:00:00.000+08:00

我回来了！After 6 hours of my butt stuck to the bus seat, it felt SO good to be back in my hostel room. But little did I know what inconveniences awaited me today, as I began by unpacking and making my life comfortable for the next few challenging months ahead...

Inconvenience #1, NO WATER TO DRINK! LOL after showering I wanted a good swig from my bottle, only to find it 90% empty. So I went to pantry to refill, and felt utterly dismayed and distressed that there was no water and I could possibly die of dehydration *hyperventilating*. But nah, worse come to worse I would drink tap water I had to. Geez. Never felt so desperate about rationing my water supply. To conserve water guess what I did, I TOOK A NAP hahahahahaah~ After that nap inspiration hit me in the form of a friend of a friend, "Pook", who told me to go buy bottled water from minimart. I didn't think that it would be open, but thank god it was when I went. zzzzz Never again will I doubt the ability of crummy and small minimarts in saving my life.麻雀虽小，五脏俱全！

#2.No water to use laundry. Until now my clothes are all still waiting in the laundry downstairs waiting for the water supply to come back on. Ish.

#3. No FOOD! OMG everywhere in MMU was closed. When I got back it was already lunchtime. I intended to eat instant noodles but even that optioned was greyed out for me (no hot water in pantry, use solar power meh?!?) In the end, biscuits were my lunch, +hibernate to conserve energy XD Dinner time I had the sense to walk over to cyberia and tapao nasi goreng kerabu at 6pm, hence now I'm alive to blog about today.

#4, internet is dead in my room zzzzzz. Now in library with jasmine. How nice of her to accompany me even when her room has internet.

So, I will have a new roommate by monday, it seems that she is a final year student, and me and Agnes' secret wishes to bully our new freshie roommie are shattered, now we'll most likely be learning a thing or two from our new roommie. =_= Speaking of freshies, I already see some of em October freshies walking around campus, ah....how 4 months here have changed me. I think I'm still just as innocent, only more exposed and experienced in many ways. You really gotta watch the way you interact around here. Sometimes I wanna headbang myself after a not-so-enthusiastic conversation with a friend. Dohhhh not gonna get started about my social life in this post.

Ok la not much left to record, that's all for now peeps.

How I spent my sem break

2011-10-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

Much less self control than I expected! I'm spending like 80% of my time not sleeping/eating with my desktop or laptop. Geez...this technology thing is really addictive. I can see how nerds are made now. Spending time doing what exactly on the computer? There aren't many things besides playing LOL, watching series and movies that i downloaded earlier on, facebooking like no tomorrow...oh and not to forget, watching youtube videos randomly: from michelle phan (yes, please don't be surprised that I watch her tutorials) to dave days to nigahiga to sungha jung...seriously, how could I NOT spend hours crabbed up in my shell (room)?!

But best part is being at home and getting to spend time with my dear mum and teasing papa like a brat lol. I know, I know, should give me ol' man a break already, but can't help teasing him about his bad habits, hah! Then there's Mimi and Bearbear and..ugh, well, it's only out of fairness that I mention Toffee, the bad dog of the two. Toffee's grown ALOT bolder and nastier and becoming more of a bully than ever. I still remember the day we brought him back and nursed him from his worm infested back...and today he nearly bit me for trying to get him back to the house!!(Toffee ran out as I was washing mum's car) How ungrateful...and poor Bearbear's getting bullied when it comes to mealtimes. =_= it's frustrating to see the bigger dog being gentle to the bully just coz the bully is older than he is...oh and, I just found out that my dogs are GAY. But damn let's not pollute the minds of any innocent readers out there with my lucid descriptions LOL. Mimi's still the same fluffy and most-adorable cat ever, luckily she never seems to forget who I am even though I'm not home often now, what a relief.

Mum's been cooking lots of yummy food coz she saw me so kesian nothing to eat at MMU and become even more skinny. I have to admit, I've morphed into a city person with little regard for my diet due to work, and at such a young age still, sad huh? >< She's still concerned about my sleeping habits that I am unable to shake off until now ---sleeping at 2am and waking at 11am everyday. Anyway told her it's the way I adapted to all the midnight meetings of my university life. I wouldn't have survived this long if I didn't learn how to sleep late~! We went out shopping a few times, at least I went around my hometown a bit even if I don't have any dates with friends from here. Uh oh, I'm starting to miss me ol' panda and piggy again...so close, yet so far. Mum even got a webcam so she could skype with me next time, since my next break wont be until next year CNY. That's a long long time man....this time I don't even get to visit grandma at Taiping coz mum's also busy, just hope next time will get to go to her house again. It hits me that I should visit at every opportunity I get, though I hate to say this: coz every life has an expiry date. So treasure your loved ones while you still can~

BM is still very much the same town. I went around driving with mum shrieking as my shotgun rider whenever I take a corner too fast, or kill the engine at a slope LOL. Krico has been bought over by Carrefoure, and it seems way larger than when it was dim old krico, strangely. Also went to Jusco for movie with mum + an unwilling papa to watch "the sorceror and the white snake", an adaptation of an old chinese classic story. The movie gets a 2/5 on my scale...mostly just CG and deviation from the original plot. But I guess what matters is time spent with my old folks watching a story we could all enjoy.

I took the time to catch up with what's going on in the real world. Wall Street protest has been going on apparently, and bro filled me in abit with the whole revolution idea that must come to happen sooner or later for a better future of humanity. I just can't wait to see Bersih 3.0 happen when the time comes. Not that I can vote yet, but election is making me excited as well! I can feel the importance of our votes : make or break Malaysia. It's a sad thing that Bersih 2.0 did not resonate much action by the government to make changes to our electorial system though. Bro's right about crucial momentum in warfare.

Alright, gtg now. Tmr I shall try getting up early enough to walk to zee market a few blocks from my house.

Another sleepless night.

2011-10-07T01:20:00.000+08:00

Dear blog,

Here I am, surrendering to my deepening fits of insomnia although it's been a tiring day and ending up facing my laptop on the bed. sigh. so many things just keep running through my head even though I try sleeping. I really do try very hard, yet sleep would not come near me. So let's do something different and succumb to my sub-consciousness and do some emotional unloading.

GRRR....why does it seem that when I deliberately try to detox my mind it just gets stuck like constipation. Hmm. How inconvenient and annoying. This whole sem break I've been playing games and watching the vampire diaries like no tomorrow, maybe that's the reason why i keep getting these crazy dreams even after I doze off after 2am each day. But no, I can't lie and make excuses for myself no more. Confession session, here we go again~

Here goes nothing. Never thought I'd say this but yes, I am frikin lonely. It doesn't help when the whole world seems to ignore your messages and wall posts, especially friends who I used to be so close with. Sure, time goes by and people drift apart, I know that by now. I should if I don't. It's not like I've been through this the first time...yet people say that feelings that come back---are feelings that never went away. And I've been feeling A LOT lately. Feeling great at short bursts of academic/social achievements, and within minutes feeling all the misery in the world for myself. Feeling empty with all the meaningless things I busy myself with. Feeling sick with envy at others' seeming happiness that I, obviously am trying so hard to fake. Sigh. That's the way we humans are: never satisfied with what we have. But is it a crime to want more for yourself? I say it's time to admit that I'm not exactly a holy saint because I have my wants and hopes too, and not all of them are as selfless and noble.

They say the past is what makes up who we are. Yes indeed I agree. Loneliness is rather preferred than hooking myself to some whirlwind infatuation that will end as soon as it starts, or so I try to convince myself. I don't know who's lying to who now, but heck I don't know how long I can keep this act up before I lose it. There was a time we shared a love/infatuation/ ilikeu&ulikeme/puppy love/romance or whatever that started out so innocently, and would have stayed that way if not for twisted fate.( twisted fate is also a damn pro hero in the game LOL haha) If there's one thing I could say about it: the happiness and joy of those days was real, even if it didn't last long. Anyway, I'm glad that we both have moved on now, now knowing each other on a deeper level makes us....special friends with history...something that will never change between us. Some things in life always look clearer in the rearview mirror--you have to take the first step to experience it to know the outcome.

Love is like a bed of roses. Again, there is truth in the old saying. Enjoy the sweet nectar while you can, but always watch out for the thorns that grow on the very same bush. Yet who judges beauty from the length of a bloom?有时觉得细水长流，倒不如轰轰烈烈的爱过。 Such wisdom, from such a common flower!

Great. How did I end up being all romeo and juliet about this post. ugh. Perhaps it's a familiar sense of companionship that I crave, much more than *rolls eyeballs* "love~". Something that is so rare to me these days. God please help me! I don't wanna die an old virgin! XDDD

Should try to sleep now. Goodnight dear blog.

*goes back to wrestling blankets and pillows hoping to sleep*

Caught up in my own world

2011-09-19T20:43:00.000+08:00

Just another rant on how I've been rushing through my days with little reflection on my actions, so now is the time to retune the bar on things that are important to me. Funny thing is, these days it's hard to tell which things exactly are crucial to my existence. On one hand I have, well, ME. "Me" equates to my self-esteem, achievements, studies, enjoy movies time, music time, reading time, including but not limited to usual stuff that "I" would like to do with my time, given that I had unlimited energy and time.

On the other hand I've got people who are close to me. I think I don't have to begin talking about my complicated family to tell you that I had an awkward time attending a cousin's wedding while pretending to feel chummy with these people who are related to me but haven't seen me in like a gazillion years. But I guess that's expected from a long-lost cousin. Yet sadly, talking to my mum on the phone already seems like a rare occasion. sigh. what am i gonna do. I still remember the talk from some seniors at a buddhist camp to "treasure the time spent at home with family while you are still schooling", I see every bit of wisdom in it now. But such is the path I chose, or rather chosen for me, and I should not complain about it. Instead I really should try to call home more often.

At 18 in my life I took my first domestic flight alone, sounds like a bold thing for a girl to do huh? These are among the small things I collect in my little portfolio of accomplishments. Now that I'm nearing the end of my first sem in university, it seems like I have done things way beyond my league, or what I think I am comfortable with and capable of doing. Simply put, it's been a crazy 4 months out here, creating history all the way, establishing my network of friends and all. Yet somehow I feel like I'm missing something. It's like hurtling along on a bullet train and missing all the scenery -- the pretty flowers along the track seem only meant to be swept away by my whooshing tailwind.While I am making "necessary" connections with people related to my activities, when was the last time I engaged in a carefree effort to make a casual new friend or even sincerely have a conversation with someone not directly involved with what I do? My guess is that all this deliberate effort to make things happen is the source of my germinating unhappiness. Maybe I'm not the kind of person suited for this kind of life. HHS, maybe you were the wise one to have forseen all this, being so determined to choose a life of simplicity and quietness.

All the above is what I call my weak side monologue. The part of me that isn't invincible or insusceptible to feeling tired. Now let's hear what the powerful side of me has to say:
1. Suck it up coz you were the one jumping into all this in the first place. Please respect your own decisions.
2. you probably aren't making friends with those people because you know they aren't worth it. Who needs touch and go friends to waste time on, when they don't even have time to sleep?!
3. Long story short: you don't want to go back to your old life of anonymity, do you? This is your time to change, human revolution!!!
4. You owe your extended family at least that tiny bit. If you can spend time on yumcha-ing till 2am, a few hours with people who share part of your DNA doesn't seem like too much.
5. Damn you are one ungrateful asshole, you know that? Some people would kill for a jumpstart into university like yours, and you're complaining about having TOO MANY friends? you've got to be kidding me.

Right, both sides have spoken, see what I mean? See what it means to be a gemini? There are always 2 voices in my head instead of one. Even if I can shut one out, I still have to listen to the other (LOL! that explains why I used to be prone to sleeptalking! sshhhh, maybe I have some uncontrollable mind powers like X-men! Aww cmon admit it, in some point of their lives, everyone's tried to see if they had superpowers!) Haha, making more lame jokes to myself again, but at least I cheered me up, not too lame after all. Ok, end of confession session. Nothing beats being honest to yourself once in a while.

Ciao people.

Wasting time is my hobby

2011-08-13T11:48:00.000+08:00

I just love to do it. Like right now. When I should be studying and cramming Group Dynamics for the upcoming quiz and finals. When I should be practicing accounts since I don't know s**t about non-trading organisations/partnerships or even adjustments for that matter. When I should be TRYING to make full use of my already limited time, even more so with all the activities I've got queued up for the next few weeks.

But here I am, turning off my phone alarm clock and sleeping till 10am, munching chipsmore ookies, facebooking, preparing DJ Show, downloading songs, reading random articles on BBC absent-mindedly, blogging, basically just doing things I usually to as an excuse to NOT touch homework. Brilliant? I'd say GENIUS! What really gets at me is how little I've been doing to improve myself. I mean, my guitar skills have basically gone down the longkang. (tsk, tsk, tsk...and I call myself a fingerstyle player, more like a pseudo one.) Jack would laugh his head off if he hears me play now..while he's getting better and pro-er everyday, I'm slowly deteriorating into a strummer...DAMN!

It's not just my music that's slipping away from me. It's also how little time I spend reading these days. I brought the da vinci code with me to read when I first came to MMU, and till now it's still not finished! What the hell...I used to be able to chew books like that within days. Now it's farming dust bunnies on my shelf--together with Harry Potter 7 that Debbie lent me. Oh, and the untouched digital fortress. hmph, so much for trying to put on a studious and scholarly front. I can imagine Angie saying "sucker la you!!!" in an almost indian way. LOL. Now what did ms marshall say about "students, knowledge is for u to find on ur own, there's nothing much i can teach u, not anymore." Right. Reading is definitely going to be moved up on my priority list.

Haiz. Plus the fact that I'm engaging in too much touch-and-go socialising resulting in strangers knowing my name is just...WEIRD! Being popular is one thing, but being bugged unnecessarily is another. Maybe this is the price you pay for sticking your foot out, huh? I remember watching fast and furious tokyo drift, a guy said " there is a japanese proverb: the nail that sticks out gets hammered on". I totally get you there, ditto. Sometimes I think I should keep quiet and pay attention to the real relations that matter to me. No more half-assed friendships that don't last, no more hi-and-byes. And yet I am not one to commit social suicide by condemning myself to solitude. Oh the irony, the blurring balance!

Well, that's all I have to express for now.

Bored and beat,
Flow.

Sharing is caring!

2011-08-09T12:52:00.000+08:00

Hey people, just wanted to put this video up on my blog for personal reference and also to share the good stuff. Life is all about time, here's a pretty good idea of how to utilise our limited time in this realm.

In completing our transformation of human spirit, it's a bonus if we can plan the amount of time we allocate for ourselves and others so that we may achieve a balanced life and happiness. While the saying "how could you love others if you don't even love yourself?" is true, real happiness is only when others around us are also leading happy and harmonious lives. Such is the meaning of "many in body, one in mind”, for no man is an island by himself. Suddenly I sound so philosophical lol...but anyway, enjoy the video and reflect upon your own time management skills dear friends!

Joining the night people

2011-08-05T01:49:00.000+08:00

It's funny when you think about how as you get older, you tend to sleep later. Gosh, and I used to think 1a.m. was late...now it's about as early as I can get to sleep at! It's not just about being busy, but it feels like such a waste to spend time sleeping away the hours when you can do more work by staying up by all means...(FYI I don't drink coffee, I just vary tasks to keep things interesting and keep myself awake)

As usual, life's hectic, and my roommate and neighbours can be held witness for all the times when I go out in the morning only to come back to sleep at 2am, they're used to it nowadays. And as for me, this is gonna be my life for the rest of the year, so, woooohooooo let's NOT sleep people! It feels great to keep fighting through the days and somehow make ends meet in the end, coz I know I'm being watched over, and somewhere and somehow, a greater destiny is awaiting me, all this is just a training for the real deal later on. No matter what, as long as I live to see another day, it's alright to sacrifice some sleeping time I guess, but now I have to get a few hours sleep for another challenging day ahead--ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT PRESENTATION, HERE I COME!

I'm feeling the weight...

2011-07-10T17:15:00.000+08:00

If you thought I'm finally growing some meat, think again. It's more like weight on my shoulders aka pressure. The last few days I've been busying myself with CLS election activities, and then now I've got what I wanted, at least that's what I keep telling myself...but in truth, I dunno why the heck did I even have the blatant foolishness to take up this tremendous responsibility!!! ARGHHHHHH feel so stupid and so silly now, but then on the other side the angel is telling me that I'm oh-so-brave for challenging myself to greater heights, who should I listen to?!?! Anyway, it's too late to think about this anymore, what's done is done, and I can do is to strive on and hopefully come out the other end alive, haiz~~

So now, I'm an on-air DJ, and my newest and biggest responsibility now is being a Special Event Coordinator for CLS...the thing is, I HAVE NO FRIGGIN IDEA ABOUT EVENTS!!!! much less COORDINATE an event itself! In a worst case scenario I could be hacked into pieces by the organizing committee and then minced further by the CLS committee! you see, being a SEC means I'm the bridge between event organisers and my CLS hi-com, so I'm like the double agent around here now. Phew...it already seems like alot to stomach for a total freshie to MMU and also to a huge society. But still, I pray that I find the strength to pull through everything that's gonna head my way for this one year...coz hope is all I got left.

Just got some good news last night, I've been selected to perform at the Sharing is Caring Acoustic Night! So people if you could buy some tickets when I'm on duty at the booth, I'd be most grateful for it. God knows how I got myself into so much in such a short time, but I guess this is the price you pay for so-called popularity. Time management, is everything. What's more with all the assignments and homework deadlines to meet, it really is about making the right choice. I read a quote somewhere, " You will never have the time to do everything, but you definitely have time to do the most important thing"...damn straight I guess.

Lini introduced me to a song from the mentalist, the chorus goes like this:

And it's hard
It's hard to be the strong one
Reaching out for something
You don't even know what
And it's hard to
Penetrate the darkness
Voluntarily blindfolded
Knowing when you see it
Doesn't matter

Really suits my mood right now... I'll allow myself some self sympathy coz I'm only human, but after that I'll keep going, coz if I sit down now, I may never get up again.

I'm an on-air DJ!!!!

2011-07-04T22:04:00.000+08:00

Yo wassup again, today I've finally accomplished something new, and that's being a DJ for Radio Multimedia Universiti RMMU!!! The show I was in was RMMU Top Ten Show, where we talk about hollywood news, gossips and facts, and hell for the first few minutes I was just kaku there lol. DJ Luvain my senior was like"'elloooo this is RMMU, DJs? Djjjjjs??? Umm...We're here with DJ..." Then only me and DJ Shan kicked in and responded. Haha, guess that's just the noobiness acting up. But overall I think we did ok for the show, thank god.

So incase anyone's interested to listen to RMMU, visit the site below and then click on Multimedia University Radio link on the top right side and you'll get the frequency to listen to RMMU on windows media player. Enjoy!

http://cybermedia.mmu.edu.my/

Signing out,
DJ Flow.

Finally I start to miss them...

2011-07-03T13:29:00.000+08:00

It's the weekends again and everyone's gone back home to enjoy. Well, most people have anyway, but I'm not one of them. Another quiet weekend staying at hostel pretending to study but in fact just finding a way to spend time, and to avoid the emptiness I know that's eating up a hole inside me slowly. It's not like I haven't been alone for a few days, but that was at home. And u're never really alone at home coz even the furnitures and ceiling fans talk to you like in the disney cartoon Beauty and The Beast! Ok just kidding. But heck yeah at least at home I have got pets to accompany me! Here in hostel we do have some stray cats, and they already start to recognise me coz I call out to them if I meet some on the stairway, but they can't possibly compare to my Mimi at home! Although I don't mind touching them, I'm still apprehensive of the bacteria they've contracted from walking all over the place, whereas I can sleep with Mimi on the bed at home. *Awwwwwwww furrrrrryyyyyy kittyyyyyy!!!!* #geramnyaaaaa#

Recently have been getting along very well with my roomie. Agnes is an awfully hardworking and motivated person, and I can't deny that she's the reason I'm growing biceps and triceps and all kinds of -ceps, coz she drags me along to sports almost everyday. But the thing that strikes me most is the resemblance of her and panda in spirit...perhaps this is fate's little joke with me, haha very cute joke indeed. (Panda if you ever read this don't get jealous ya...there's always a special spot for u in my heart, and I know it's the same way vice versa ^^ when will we sing 屋顶and传说together again? Miss doing that after school at rock garden. And I miss scaring the hell out of u in ambushes XD In fact I just miss you~=P) Anyway, my roomie is like the answer to all my prayers (especially when I'm doing homework!), and I'm grateful for that. Been a while since I felt this way about someone. song that comes to mind?~something's watching over me like sweet serendipity~

I keep telling everyone that food's not an important part in my life, but damn I miss my favorite food just the way mum cooks it: PETAI!!!! *muahahahaha damn nice arhhhhh salivating now just thinking about it....* Goddamnit why dont they cook stuff like that here in MMU, I'd do almost anything to get some in my mouth right now, that's how much I love it. See, this is where living away from home sucks. No more home-cooked food.You dont get to order what you like to eat unlike at home with mum around as personal chef-in-residence. Bahhhh I shouldnt complain so much, but still, nothing beats home-cooked food.*GASPS*how could I have forgotten--HONG BAKKKK!! My family's secret recipe of pork- it's called hong bak but let's just start calling it heavenly. omg I better stop thinking about all this food at home before I do something desperate for it. Almost lunch now anyway, so start thinking about reality and snap out of my food fantasy.

Let's talk about stuff I've been up to. Well, life in uni is really different from school, in the sense that it's a simulation of the real world. No one's gonna force you to go class, but if u decide to show up late or not even show up at all...there will be consequences. The same goes with time management. It's a free world out here and you can choose whatever u're interested in doing but again it's a question of whether u're able to juggle it all. Take me for an example: Full time student sponsored by JPA, so that already means I've got to centre my studies in my schedule. And then I joined a few clubs, (coz I'm also supposed to rock my uni life and not graduate as a normal student blah blah blah u know the drill) namely DJ club, Squash Club, Chinese Language Society(aka CLS) and the MMU toastmasters that I have yet to actually visit yet due to clash with other activities. Already DJ club is taking up the centre stage in my co-curricular activities since I've been selected to be a live on-air DJ on RMMU (stay tuned to RMMU on mondays 7.40pm-8.30pm for the Top Ten Show! It's a webcast radio thingy so if anyone's interested ask me for the link and you can listen via internet.)

But that's not the end of the story, coz for some reason I can't remember clearly now...I kepochi go join the CLS committee election LOL! So now I'm in the running for a seat in the high-com of CLS, and I'm feeling ambivalent about it. On one hand I feel good about being a part of something big if I get elected, but on the other I'm feeling the pressure building up already. The idea of committing to too many things at once is daunting, like wading into a dark pool with a potential pothole waiting to suck me in at anytime...freakyyyy! (They say that foundation students are quite free compared to degree students, but I'm not so sure about the truth of this statement sooo...)Plus, somehow people found out that I can play SOME guitar and they are now asking me to go for audition to play for a charity event to save Cybertracker omg omg omg so many things to do, so little time! Still deciding on those optional stuff. Squash club I can go if I feel like squashing something in frustration but I'm still learning how to play at this point so looks like I'll still have the motivation to keep going for practice sessions. See what I mean? there's infinite things to do if you choose to. So choose wisely!

that's all for now peeps, lunch time~
signing out,
~*DJ* Flow~ (a new identity for me now!)

3 MONTHS!

2011-06-17T22:05:00.000+08:00

Wow! I almost forgot that I had a blog to write on! So much has changed since my (ashamed look)*ahem*last blog post...And now that I have the time to finally sit down and write an entry in peace, I am ridden with guilt. Guilt of not having recorded everything that has happened during this 3 month interval! How extremely cruel of me to leave my blog to rot for 3 whole months while everything in my life was rich and colorful. Damn, now I struggle to recall the past few weeks...a forgetful person like me, all the more reason to keep a little record of life. Someday I'm sure I'd forget something important that would cost me dearly...

As far as I can remember based on my self-introduction at toastmasters meetings, attending Form 6 and waiting for JPA results was how I spent my few weeks after the interview. No wait, that can't be it...bah I can't really recall exactly the chronology of things, but that basically sums it up. And then and then...TADAAAA! I got the JPA scholarship!!! But frankly I wasn't that thrilled upon finding out that they were sending me to some god-forsaken place called cyberjaya (even sweared severely the moment i finished reading the offer letter), simply coz I was pining for the overseas scholarship to study law in the UK. Then after listening to many advice and opinions, I decided that settling for this would be a better choice than staying in Form 6 and not being able to change to art stream and suffer another 2 years of science subjects. (ironic, no? The better your results are, the less chance u have of choosing the things u want. But don't worry that's just Malaysia.)

Anywayyyyy...WOOHOO am I glad I chose to come to MMU Cyberjaya!!! 1st week over here was orientation and YEAH IT ROCKED! Maybe it's their brainwashing tactics to make us love MMU and stay until we finish but what the hell it was cool! (FYI, MMU is the first ever private university in the country)

It's been 3 weeks at campus for me. Except this weekend I'm staying at hostel and not going back to my dad's place. Right, hostel--it's a whole new experience for me. But thanks to my mum's wisdom, I've brought just about everything to make my life in hostel comfortable enough, including an induction cooker to cook noodles lol! btw my roommate is like a blessing in disguise itself, I guess she is everything that I prayed for embodied in one small sized package that can really kick some butt! (I call her muscle girl sometimes hahahaha) But that's another topic for another day. I do hope to know her better, only time will tell I guess.

This week I've joined a few clubs. Hey, clubs and sports are like the whole essence of university life right? So I joined DJ club, Chinese Language Society (only coz they have a band I'd like to join as a guitarist), Squash club, and of course not forgetting MMU toastmaster's club! Sounds like a balanced combination to me, I hope I can juggle my time between studies and co-curricular activities well. I am, after all, a JPA scholar now, and my studies are a main priority above all else.

So here I am, in my hostel room, typing with a tired expression and the word BORED scrawled all over my face. I really should be studying now, especially in accounting coz i really suck at it! Okay, I SWEAR I will study it tmr the minute I wake up and shall not stop until I have fully grasped the concept of this whole shitty accounting thing. *gasps*

Okay so considered updated my blog tonight, will keep posting as often as I can, god knows what lies ahead of me now.

Peace out,
~flow~

Busy, busy, lucky week.

2011-03-26T12:43:00.000+08:00

Monday,
JPJ driving test.
Nearly didn't, but passed!

Wednesday,
SPM results day.
8A+, 2A-. Grateful for it.

Friday,
Toastmasters Area Level Table Topics.
underperformed, and yet got 1st runner up.

Conclusion?
Hell yeah I'm one lucky ass! XD

Next to come...
Scholarship applications.
please please please please let me be the lucky one again and get something!!!

PROUDLY ANNOUNCING.....

2011-03-06T22:54:00.000+08:00

...*drum rolls~ CLANG* --My new guitar, a baby Taylor!!!!! Sorry scratch that, it's actually a Taylor Swift signature baby Taylor!!

Ok so I'm smiling a goofy grin and making a silly hand gesture like a Swift-smitten teenager, but ZOMGZ!! how often dyou get to hold a Taylor guitar???? *Gossip Girl voice* Spotted: goofy girl at Fusion Music Factory buying a new guitar on impulse, looks like someone's got a reason to grin...be careful there, it's only a baby...! "No banging around your guitar like this..(makes percussive noises with mouth) or else you gotta come see me soon!!",shop owner warns. Ok I promise to take good care of it as best as I can, but I can't resist tapping all over the harmonics coz they sound like chiming bells!

I was initially looking for a guitar with some specs such as cutaway shape, electronic pickups and solid top, as you can read from my earlier blog post about guitars. But yesterday shop owner (initials LTN) decided to bring in some new guitars for me to try out today, and among all the boxes and boxes of guitars, the first one I held was this baby. Describing the tone isn't easy with words, but on the first strum I recognised it as a bright, springy, bouncy, rich Spruce tone. Being a 3/4 sized guitar, it fitted easily into my small hands, not to mention the amazing lightness of it, and also the fact of it being so mini and CUTE!!! Then I played the other bigger guitars and instantly felt a let-down, all of them were incomparable to the smaller baby Taylor in terms of playability and tone, so there it was, a guitar I could afford and readily available. It was boiled down to three choices, #1, wait until July for the quality and affordable Tanglewood guitars to be shipped in (ARRGHH I can't wait anymore, I've waited months already!!), #2 settle for a less-than-likeable cheap guitar (Nevvaarrr!), or #3, walk out of the store with this babe, and so I made the obvious choice.

Came with a gig bag, waiting to be introduced to it's new home.

Isn't she pretty??? I dunno why I prefer the baby to be a girl...well I guess coz it's obviously a girly guitar isn't it?

A closer look at the artwork, you can see the words "love, Taylor Swift, Fearless". That's just so Swift-like!

A label tied to the headstock...

...which reads: "I wanted to share my passion for playing guitar with my fans. I used to sit in the back of the car on my radio tour at 16, writing songs on my baby Taylor. I love the sound, and I love those memories."--Taylor Swift

Some stuff that came within the bag, inclusive of an outdated 2009 copy of "wood and steel" magazine published by Taylor Guitars, and info for owners.

Another full shot at my new guitar~ yippeee~

Meh-heh-heh, I bet I'm now the envy of all my Taylor Swift fan friends, teaser: I may be playing this guitar in an upcoming show in Sunway Carnival Mall, Seberang Jaya, so pray that I make it through the audition!

Peace out,
Flow

Great week!

2011-02-26T19:14:00.000+08:00

Just a very brief post about what I've been doing these days, a picture speaks a thousand words right? So here:

Yay, our neighbour gave us a puppy named bear-bear, and it really looks like my old dog that passed away last year, so we think that it has been reborn to join our family again! Say hi to bear-bear! He is just as ferocious as a grizzly bear and cute and cuddly (when he doesn't jump up and scratch my legs ><)!

And...yipeeeee, my first month joining toastmasters and I already won the club level table topics speech contest? I guess I have my debate coach to thank for my impromptu speaking skills, so, thanks again Mr. Samuel, you inspired me to be a better speaker!

A visit to PCGHS

2011-02-21T11:55:00.000+08:00

Okay if I ever thought of Ping Hwa girls before, it would be smoldering acid thoughts of rivalry because of my status as a JitSinese, albeit only for 2 years. Haha, how the universe works in such miraculous coincidences...it so happens that my aunt ( the one from my mum's side) is a very well connected woman, not to mention a superstar during her youthful years in Penang. You see, she was, and still is a talented singer! (Hearing stories of how boys flocked to her school gates to hear her concert while screaming her name makes me think "wow, I'm really connected to someone famous!")Not only was she a student at Ping Hwa, but the current principal of that school is also her good friend!! So 2 days ago I was behind enemy lines scouting out Ping Hwa school grounds (hah, take THAT, Darren! Or are you done drooling over PH girls already?), so I took the liberty of taking a few shots just before school ended.

This is something like our upper concourse except much smaller

Their school's corporation is kinda small don't you think? Hmm...minimalism in action!

The spoils of war displayed outside the office

She's not in? But she just invited us here! Only one way to find out...

There she is! Principal of the oh-so-famous Ping Hwa girl school! And...Mum why are you swishing your hair in my sights?

This is where the senior assistant teachers sit, not nearly as luxurious as Jit Sin, huh?

A mini model of the school grounds

Front view...

Okay so Ping Hwa's admin block looks pretty much like any other decent school in penang, it's not like they've got a secret nuclear weapon facility hidden here or anything special...Let's head outside and see!

(That black vortex there above the car park is not a black hole, it's just the sun. This is what you get with a lousy phone camera)

The national type school and the independant school are in the same compound, if you're wondering.

A closer look at this painted glass art, I think it's called tracery?

Cool!!! They have this in their school canteen!!!

Even their uniformed body's notice board is pretty...!

Lastly I decided to visit their student's washroom, and there I felt so ashamed for Jit Sin!!! It may be true our results are topping the charts every year, but heck, it's a total embarrassment if visitors come and see our toilets...I shall not elaborate further on the unspeakable horrors, we should know better. If we can spend money on concerts/ shopping in the hall/renovation at the lower concourse, then surely we can modify our toilets to look like this:

It's shiny, it's clean, it's got a hanger on the wall that's really convenient when you're changing, it even SMELLS good!

And then I see the reason behind the squeeky clean toilet, they assign students to wash toilets!

Which occurs to me, we have a "dirtiest class" awards every week, why not let those people wash as a form of punishment?Haiz, what to do? When the principal is a woman and the entire student population are female, you can expect things to be in tip-top condition and flawlessly organized. This would be heaven for my neat-freak mum.

Dear Jit Sin, you can enforce all kinds of crap disciplinary guidelines such as getting the guys to crew-cut their hair, but you won't bother about improving the most basic of school facilities? That's just sad.

Peace out,
Flow~

Weird thoughts...

2011-01-30T18:54:00.000+08:00

CNY is only a few days away, and on these last few days the malls are totally packed with crazy shoppers acting like everything's free! Then I realised that I was one of those shoppers XD Okay not really maybe, coz the hard part is setting my sights on something that really suits me, which took me like 3 hours of walking and browsing through the whole Penang Megamall and only picking up a few things at the end.

The buy may have been worth it, but not the tired feet! The moment I got into the car, I wished there was a nice hot water foot spa waiting for me. Imagine you can push a button and a tray of warm water will slide out from under your seat for you to soak your tired feet in...ISN'T THAT A GREAT IDEA? Well I think it is! That would be a most useful function for a shopaholic's car!

Anyway, I listen to the radio a lot these days whether I want to or not, simply because there's an ancient radio at my workplace that serves as the only source of entertainment for all office staff. I heard this song from Gary (Cao Ge) with lyrics that translates into "I finally know the weight of the world", which is a metaphor for stress and problems. But scientifically speaking, how much IS the weight of the planet? This is a challenging question at first...If the human population is growing, surely we must add some mass to the planet? But after doing some research, most people agree that the earth's mass changes a tiny bit daily, but not due to population growth. Why? Here's a simple explanation:

When people are conceived, and undergo growth, it is by absorbing nutrients. So we don't really add to the mass of the earth, we just have less mass from our food source and more from us humans:)
The earth also gains mass from incoming space debri (both ours and natural) and looses some gases from the atmosphere each year.

....In reality, the earth's actual mass is 5.9736×10²⁴ kg, give or take. This is what happens when I have too much useless thoughts running through my head, *sigh*. Maybe I really should be spending some time rethinking my future...I wish someone would invent a device to automatically detect what everyone's career path should look like based on their inborn talents. We would really save a lot of time instead of knocking on every door looking for the answer...The journey is supposed to be fun, right? But I think the world would be more efficient if everyone was doing what they were born to do.

Life at this point...

2011-01-25T22:10:00.000+08:00

...is like the public transport in Malaysia----not according to schedule. Actually there IS no schedule, it's like a free-and-easy tour in which you can choose whatever activity you like. Recently I've been working as a clerk at my father's place and playing the role of "The Boss's daughter" by asking some annoying questions and baffling the my colleagues at the office, but whadya expect? I am after all an inquisitive Gemini who wants to know anything and everything! So working as a clerk is a deadbeat job, and I could hardly call it interesting, but as the Chinese proverb says "A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step", I guess it's all part and parcel of becoming a successful business person later on... to prove that you can not only handle big jobs, but also the little things.

Other stuff I've been up to lately:

Joining Toastmasters! TM is an international organisation to train people into effective communicators and leaders and it's really something I think that everyone should try out. Seriously, BECAUSE COMMUNICATION IS NOT OPTIONAL! What's more, you earn certificates by completing the levels, and these internationally-recognised certs will definitely be an important component in your portfolio. And no, I wasn't paid to advertise TM, I just like sharing the good stuff around.

Planning my financial freedom! Well my plans are underway now, and if all goes well, hopefully I'll be reeling in some extra income soon. What exactly am I talking about? Let's just say it's a secret mission and will not be revealed on this post, shhhh~ till next time!

Identity crisis? I think not.

2011-01-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

Okay I have work to do tomorrow, but what the heck I simply have to say my part on this sacred issue--Our zodiac signs!!! Where to begin??? My being appalled and in shock at the news of not being a Gemini anymore??? Nein!!! I refuse to give up my status as a Gemini!!!

So for those who haven't caught up with the news yet, it all began *storytelling voice*...with an astronomer, who had nothing better to do than raise a sensation, his name is Parke Kunkle. Now, he proposed that over the ages the sun's alignment with the earth has changed, therefore the current 12 zodiac signs now are obsolete and a 13th sign has to be counted in, namely....Ophiuchus,aka Serpentarius. And with that, all the other horoscopes have to squeeze their original day span to accommodate the newcomer, meaning we're gonna have our signs changed just like that.

BOOM! The news hit the internet like a celestial bomb, people are still tweeting angrily over their robbed signs, and for the most part vehemently object to being dubbed a different character. Well on my side of the story, I was born a Gemini, and I have lived this way, with this identity for 17 years going on 18, and I will MOST CERTAINLY die as a Gemini! Hah, take that Parke Kunkle!!!

Dear readers, this incident has sparked an idea in my mind: WELL WHO GIVES A DAMN ANYWAY? We are who we are, horoscope or not. Seriously, you can't just fall asleep as a Lion and then wake up as a Crab, can you? (no offence to Cancer...) Also, most people are who they are today because they think they are, and changing things now would be...well...totally unacceptable! Besides, if Ophiuchus is a REAL sign, then how come I can't find anything negative about the personality? Surely no one's perfect no matter how the stars change? All they keep saying on the internet is that Ophiuchus is inventive, a healer, a seeker of wisdom and knowledge, blah blah blah and basically great! Ya know...there is a saying "if it's too good to be true, IT PROBABLY IS!!!"

I for one love to learn about the horoscopes and all, but this is too much...for example I could make an early judgement on a new friend based on his/her sign, but I never bother to check the newspapers for whatever my luck is on that day. So now are we supposed to add Ophiuchus luck-o-meter in the horoscope column? What I think is that it's all just another internet hoax that will go away as fast as it came. The end.

How time flies!

2011-01-15T00:11:00.000+08:00

I remember,
the days of waking up my mum to ferry me to St John activities in school...
the days we fought with spatulas as swords and woks as shields...
the times I have "morning sickness" and emptied my stomach the wrong way!
the times I fell asleep leaning on the staff while I'm supposed to stand guard the hour...
the fierce loyalty I felt towards my comrades...
the laps around the school I had to run to look for someone simply 'coz i needed their signature...
the times we cried over some memories on slideshows...
the conflict we've had, and me trying to be the peacemaker in between...
the quiet walks everyday after school along the silent corridors...
the recess times spent on duty sessions...
the marching/barking orders/ instructing/ leading...in the midday sun!
the camp food which seemed delicious at that time...probably 'coz we knew it was "eat or die"...
the damn fires that would not light after 3 matches...
the hours spent on camp preparation while risking being caught by school authorities (never did get caught!)
the 10-minute bath times!
the tools we played with to make tents and stuff, getting physical and hacking away...
the cheers and yells that we invented...
the games and dances...
the moments i get carried away with...
the tedious measures we took to keep our uniforms uncreased and neat for inspection...
the determination to keep going even when you think you can't walk another step...
the hundreds of "punishments" which earned us sore muscles even after days...
the disappointment at our defeat, and the casual smile afterwards meaning "yeah, shit happens but suck it up anyway"
the gifts from all of you when I left...
the pain of separation...
but most of all I remember the feeling of belonging somewhere, with some people, with a family.

No one ever said life would be easy, they only said it would be worth it.

Guitars!

2011-01-12T11:12:00.000+08:00

So I've been talking and talking about buying a new acoustic guitar right...I'm gonna stick all their pretty pictures here so that I can fantasize about them at a glance. The smell, the touch, the vibration *sucks in air through teeth* ooo-la-la!

My initial budget was 2k. Okay, that's quite a lot to spend and I know it, so after taking a look at some cheaper models, I've decided that a 1.5k budget is good enough, including the case and straps and everything of course. Without further ado, may I introduce contestant number one!

Tanglewood TW28 CSN CE

Tanglewood TW28 CSN CE

Right, this is the one that I probably would've gotten if it didn't go out of stock in the shop. Solid cedar top gives that warm, mature, tone, while the mahogany back and sides a good sustain to it. It's a fairly loud guitar and sports a Fishman pickup sistem which I tried and it was pretty good, handy for a stage performance or jamming! (I've always secretly wanted to join a band!) The thing i'm not used to is the dreadnought shape, feels kekok sikit for my small sized body! But it's something I could live with I guess.

Price wise, this guitar costs RM 1088. However a price hike is expected this year, because Tanglewood is becoming increasingly popular and they are using older stores of wood to make the new batches of guitars. Many Tanglewood guitars don't use thick layers of high gloss paint, because it seems that though the guitar finish makes it look good, it actually kills the tone by dampening the vibrations. Lol, the joke that the shopkeeper told me: " You ever see Ke$ha smile while showing some teeth? No? Of course she doesn't or else her make up would crack like porcelain!" So he answered my question about Yamaha guitars, look good and sounds okay, but you won't be getting the biggest bang for your buck/ringgit.

Okay this isn't exactly the one, it's a slightly cheaper model but just to show ya the Tanglewood sort of tone. Very nice recording anyway, with a very hawt Spanish tune towards the end!

Walden D670 Dreadnought

Walden D670
Prettier than the Tanglewood don't you think? Walden is an american brand, so it's really got that old american feel to it. Cowboyish, if you prefer. I especially favor the gold tuners, sexxayyy! I haven't actually played this one, but I did try a cheaper range Walden and was impressed by it, so I've got some specs from a shop website for reference. This one sells for RM1180, which is slightly more expensive especially since it doesn't have a pickup system. Wonder if they have another version with pickups? Couldn't find a good video for this so i won't bother posting, some video quality make the guitar sound much worse than it really is.

Body

body shape: Dreadnought
top material: Solid Western Red Cedar
back material: Mahogany
side material: Mahogany
soundboard bracing: Scalloped-X

Neck

material: Mahogany
nut width: 1 11/16 "
fingerboard: Solid Rosewood
trussrod: 2-way adjustable

Appointments

binding: White plastic
rosette: Abalone
tuners: Gold
logo: Pearl
bridge: Walden Rosewood bridge

Finish

Satin Nitrocellulose Lacquer

Some other guitars which I've looked through....

Yamaha FG730s

-spruce top (kinda "bitey" like all spruce guitars are)

-rosewood back and sides

-no pickup

-quite a good projection

-High gloss! (remember what I said about Ke$ha?)

-Price is about RM1700 (that's why my initial budget was 2k... =_=)

Seagull Entourage Rustic

-price:RM1498

-Something I don't like about all Seagull Guitars is the shape of the heads. They claim that the shape gives a straighter alignment of the strings so to reduce tension on the bridge and blah blah blah, but where's the cool factor in it???

Top : Select Pressure Tested Solid Cedar

Back & Sides : Wild Cherry

Neck : Silver Leaf Maple with the Seagull Slim 1.72" nut width.

Fingerboard & Bridge : Rosewood Tusq® nut and compensated saddle

Finish : Rustic Burst Custom Polished Finish

Watch if you have the time, sounds a bit bland if you ask me.

Okay, that's it for today. Hope to post my own demo when I get one of them guitars!

Nothing.

2011-01-05T10:32:00.000+08:00

4,3,2,1...Action. Yep, nothing is what I've been doing since I got back from my vacation. I wake up at 9am if I'm lucky, and then switch on the computer so that I can eat breakfast in front of it. I know, I know, it's no wonder I'm so thin right? Maybe la.

To make things worse, I get left home alone in the morning when everyone goes off to work, thus my growing reliance on my internet and facebook. *Sighs* I feel like Rapunzel in the movie Tangled these days. The part where she's stuck in her tower with the few activities available, except I don't draw murals on my walls.

Oh speaking of movies, the entire PPS english channel is gone. Repeat, GONE! I mean, how could they do such a thing without first putting up a gigantic banner to warn us beforehand, since thousands and thousands of people catch their shows on PPS? No one even seems to mourn the death of free online tv! Well there's nothing to do except roll my eyeballs and sigh in exasperation now. I should watch the rest of the english movies before they get wiped off the face of PPS, again.

Things haven't exactly going the way I want yet this year. Number one, my guitar teacher is no longer teaching at the old place, and they're hiring noobies there now to teach! What's more, they even try getting me to teach for them when I went there asking for lessons. Number two, the new guitar that I've been eyeing in the shop has been sold, to a friend of mine coincidentally. Ughh, why didn't I buy it there and then? I'm coping by telling myself it's not for me, or I'm destined to buy another one. Jeez this fate/yuan fen thing really is a good excuse for everything that doesn't come your way. But make no mistake, I am going to get it when I say I'm going to get it. It's just a matter of time! *huff*

I've got like 5 months before I leave for college, so you'll prolly be hearing a lot of my rants and complaints about how boring life is at home. Hmm....Suddenly going to NS doesn't seem so bad after all. NAHH~ I can't bring myself to live under one roof with you-know-whos if I can help it. So now I'm just gonna eat up my breakfast and find some mundane chores to do. Tata.

Of Tourists, and Travelers.

2010-12-11T12:27:00.001+08:00

A tourist goes where the maps tell him to go.
A traveler goes where the road is unmapped, and there he will draw his own.

A tourist sees, touches, and smells, but he does not feel.
A traveler, however, understands all that he experiences, and becomes one with his journey.

A tourist is but an onlooker, a passenger, he cares not how or where he goes.
A traveler is the captain of the ship, he steers by following his compass, and hears the call of the winds.

A tourist may be a good follower, but he will never make a difference.
A traveler sees no reason to play by the rules, and so he is capable of breaking the simulacrum.

A tourist is lost when he breaks with the ones he follows.
A traveler is his own center, no matter who he takes up company with. It is impossible for him to lose his way.

A tourist may use the easiest route, but he may never reach his destination.
A traveler, through his experience, realizes that his only destination is himself. The journey ends where he wants it to.

The veil is thinning, the walls are falling!

2010-12-04T22:56:00.000+08:00

Yes. Yes yes yes, and YES! It's finally coming to an end! a few more days and SPM is gone forever! End of school, end of wearing uniforms, end of washing my shoes every 2 weeks (ok maybe sometimes more than 2 weeks BUT for very good reasons! people are allowed to not wash their shoes for a while, right? I'm sure it's in the law), end of worrying whether I forgot to bring a book or another, end of waiting for that last bell-ring everyday. THE END!

Some plans that I better write down before I get preoccupied with online games again. I'm supposed to:
-learn some computer skills (I simply must buy that "MICROSOFT EXCEL FOR DUMMIES" book)
-read up on whatever cheap colleges I could convince my parents to let me go to. Form 6 is very unappetizing.
-find some societies/organisations to join. Stretch my "gemini-is-a-socialite" wings and all that. What I've got in mind now? hmm...Religious: Soka Gakkai. Personal: music band/toastmasters.
-READ. this is one hobby that i've been missing out on too much. BTW I must get my hands on harry potter series. Everyone's talking about HP and now I've lost touch with everything from that world.*gah!*
-learn a few different styles of guitar. Jazz has been impossible for me up to now.

Yeah that's basically those i can some up with now. The next time I post will be after SPM!

Pet Post

2010-10-30T12:26:00.001+08:00

Albert Schweitzer says and I quote, "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." And so I've uploaded some shots of my pet cat here after taking it for a walk on the front lawn, enjoy~

First, she was tied to the pipe with a blue rafia string...no animals have been harmed in the making of this post.

Then she decided to have a picnic and relax...

What do you see in her eyes? planning to escape/sadness/bored/sleepy/enjoying fresh air?

Ahh....sweet smell of ~~flowers~~ weeds~

I think she just sniffed a kind of cat-ecstasy and got high. weird facial expression anyway.

Alert predator look. ( a crow just flew past)

"Check this out! an ominous looking, spooky little tree!! Let's see if fish grow on it!"

"I really want to believe that there's a God out there somewhere, please bless me with a fish...I'd pray if I could!"

More pet pics...

Okay, I understand that you're either camera shy or you're showing off your furry bottom

WHAT THE.....THAT'S A CAT TOO???? lol I wish. Toffee will be much more useful as a cat.

Paper

2010-10-13T15:03:00.000+08:00

I assure you this is NOT a post about EXAM papers whatsoever. It is simply an ordinary afterthought of another ordinary day.

I'm less than a month away from graduation, which probably means A LOT to everybody maybe because it's the END of school, finally.

Au Contraire. End of school? nah-uh, there's still one last boss monster to beat unless the apocalypse decided to come early, a.k.a SPM. *mimics Golem from Lord of The Rings* Nasty, tricksy, falsy....sssssssssspm!

Anyway, I'm digressing from the whole paper issue here. Well, with the exam drawing nigh, you can expect teachers to give us all kinds of exercises from every single source they can get, but mostly questions from other states. Then again, this has got something to do with graduating: dozens of forms and name lists flying all over the classroom because they need to be signed before the deadline, bla bla bla, typical paperwork. Not to mention all the scholarship forms and college ads that never fail to stay within my sight.

Suddenly a scary question pops up in my mind. How many trees have I murdered for 17 years of paper usage? Seriously, the shelves in my room are so jam packed with books and papers that I have to stack them in such an unsightly way on top of each other. tsk, tsk, tsk...what mum would say if she saw...

By the way, Jitsinese should stop this silly tradition of writing grad-books. It's time and PAPER consuming AND I bet 10 years from now we won't even remember each other's faces! Oh, right, how about, we ALREADY have facebook???? Stay in touch if you want to, but don't waste anymore time trying to be chummy with everyone you see so that they write the damn grad-book. huff, seriously man....!

We are using wayyyyy more paper than we think. Don't believe me? that's alright. Just go open ALL your tuition files and take a good look inside. On average, we collect about 1.5 inches thick of paper for every subject per year. and yeah, this is nearly an understatement. Not saying we shouldn't use paper, but please use digital copies whenever you can, or else make your own paper like the ancient Egyptions did.

which reminds me of Linkin Park again:

God bless us everyone,

we're a broken people living under loaded gun,

and it can't be outfought,

it can't be outdone,

it can't be outmatched,

it can't be outrun, no.

Later days, ciao.

Innocence

2010-10-05T14:43:00.003+08:00

The last time I took the "What mask do you wear" test on facebook, i got...Innocence?! Then I instantly labeled the application as a BS-er. But upon reflecting on what other people comment before they even get to KNOW me, I ended up debating with myself in a personality dilemma! Silly huh? You'd think that by now one should have a good idea of who they really are inside. Perhaps the case differs for rare breeds like me.

You see, there was this inspection (in other words, spot check) by none other than the discipline teachers in my class today, and I...(thank god I took out my ear phones the night before!) was rather bold, even bordering on smug. "berani kerana benar, takut kerana salah"? after they verified that I was a law-abiding-good-girl and let me go, I even asked " teacher, want to check up front-ah? Maybe I hide my phone leh?" XDDD you know what I mean.

Well okay they didn't. Then back at my seat, another teacher was trying to pull out the curtains to see if we hid anything there. She seemed to be having difficulty, so I offered to help her.

"Why? cannot pull out isit? I help you la teacher..."

(she stares at me for a moment)

"No need. I see your face oso know d."

I shrug and sit down again.

What? Does my face read "INNOCENT GIRL" that obviously??? Am I who I think I am? Or is it because they don't know me at all? This is just so contradictory.

I'm a pervert (though not always), but at the same time I'm such a kind samaritan! (if you were wondering where that poor dead kitty outside gate 5 went, I buried it after school.)

I call myself a debater, but to some people I'm a shy person?

I see myself as a "people person", but I have relatively few friends.

I'm supposed to be intelligent, but sometimes I do the stupidest things imaginable.

So what does that make me? Dunno.

Random Rant

2010-08-16T14:48:00.005+08:00

Right. First of all I apologize (to whoever's been waiting) for abandoning my blog for months. I just didn't feel the impulse to write. But, anyway, I'd better check on my page in case I've been visited by a major book publisher who thinks I'm totally fab, and wants me to write my own book! Haha. Fat chance. (I'm faaaaaaarrr from fat by the way)

But hey, you can never tell what's gonna happen next, can you? (Becoming a writer is still not my thing)Here's a good question for my peers: where do you see yourself in 10 years? Wearing a coat and heading a mega corporate? Married with kids? Maybe a high-profile celebrity on the glam-road? And then the best answer in my opinion would be.....WHO THE HECK KNOWS?!

I'm officially 99 days away from SPM as I type this sentence. Seems like a long time huh? Hopefully long enough for me to prepare. Coz I don't remember feeling anything at all when I got my PMR results. It was more or less a dismissive "Oh. 8As. No big deal, I knew all along." But this time it's different. Perhaps because its way more important or wayyyyy more difficult? I can picture myself going berserk if I get 10As! That's right...envisioning success is good for you. Hmm...how bout a loud "AWWWWW YEAAAHHHH!!!" and air guitar?

My FFS (Formula For Success) = facebooking every alternate day or when I feel like it + Watch PPS when I seem to have too much time on my hands + Exercising for an hour a week (No, I'm not an athlete so whaddya expect?) + playing with my kitty + Practicing to preserve my guitar skills + Going tuition +.....oh, right, the studying part...erm... let's just leave it at 4 hours a day, (assuming I don't take a 3 hour siesta in the noon)

Okay I was lying. About the "4 hours study a day", not the nap time. The truth is, I don't even KNOW how long I study...I'm a person who doesn't like too many plans! My way? whatever comes, I'll find a way to handle it there and then. But I do, however, study everyday! Simply because it's the "thing" to do. Ask anyone in my class and see if they're not doing the same, but DON'T BUY IT if they claim they're not! They didn't "just happen" to be here. Whatever it is, you live if you claw and fight for it.

Conclusion?

After SPM, LIFE BEGINS!!!

P/S: sorry for wasting 5 minutes of your time reading this ^_^

I should'a known,

2010-06-25T22:02:00.003+08:00

Yep. It entirely true that Malaysia is the axis of injustice. Whatever the authorities say in their oh-so-touching speeches are LIES. Intricately woven, but nonetheless, still, LIES. If they think that sticking posters and broadcasting ads that depict all the races smiling like idiots will brainwash us of our intellect, well think again baby.

So this is how injustice is applied in my case:

step one. Sucker us up like morons by patting our backs and saying "Oh hey, great job back there! good luck at the national level debates, make penang proud ya!".

step two. Let it all sink in nice and mellow, bide time and dilute our suspicion. The news of victoryis left to ferment for a month without disturbance.

step three. Once we've become slack and haphazard, give us a good SLAP in the face. Step three is conducted by breaking the...no, FLINGING the news like some S**T at us. To participate in the nationals we need at least one friggin' prince. and not just any prince, but a PRINCE OF THE EARTH!!! A BUMIPUTERA!!! HAH!!

For Jesus',GOD's, heaven's, hell's and SATAN's bloody sake!!! after everything we've been through, NOW skin color becomes an issue? mind you, we come from a state where majority of the population are chinese. What's more, we come from a chinese school. So the search for the wondrous "prince", is much easier said than done under these circumstances. How 'bout adding another rule that states teams from SMK schools must have at least one chinese/indian eh???

I'm not usually a pessimist. But when it comes to 1Malaysia concept...I find myself to be everything, but not an optimist.

The best week of the year!

2010-06-05T12:45:00.002+08:00

Or maybe its just the best day of the year. Anyway, winning the Penang state debate is awesome.

We made history by being the first JSHS team to make it into the nationals!!! No doubt that this is gonna one of the times of my life. Somehow, I'm always lucky enough to wind up with the winning team. Looks like coming to BM is a part of God's plan after all.

Happy holidays!

Exam and me.

2010-05-23T22:06:00.002+08:00

I hate exams. I bet everyone does. I bet....RM10! (I'm not rich okay)
First person to find someone who *loves* exam is gonna get Rm10 from me. Seriously.
(terms and conditions apply, word of caution: Lydia is known to be a miser sometimes)

oh and I'm gonna be "exempted" from Chemistry paper 1&3 and my Sejarah paper 1 this time.

Wanna know why?

Coz some idiots planned the state level debate during our exam season, that's why.
Funny thing is...I'm not sure whether I'd rather be excused from the whole subject (flunk it) or protest with tooth and claw so I can resit the paper later. We'll see how things turn out. Armed with that excuse, I'm already beginning to feel lazy to study those subjects.

Going to sleep/last minute study now. Ciao.

(no title)

2010-04-23T18:17:00.002+08:00

Teehee...got 30/30 for my oral assessment today! Maybe Mr. Pius is a nice guy after all. He even asked me how I managed to get less than perfect score last year..! Ok ok, better stop before my euphoria evolves into ego.

Relieved that it's over, but I heard that the next test requires me to present english literature or something, which I have no idea how to. Whatever...that seems to be the least of my problems now.

Good news: Just completed Moral Folio ("Molio") in time and I'm quite happy with my work. Finally gonna be rid of this..this..thing bugging me all the time.

Bad news: Mid-year exam is 3 weeks away, OMG OMG OMG....

oh god, oh god, oh god...

2010-04-19T22:39:00.002+08:00

I'm becoming a mega-procrastinator.

knowing when I should be doing homework

or at least try to LEARN how to calculate resistance in a circuit (i hate physics and maths)

I let myself doodle with pens and pretend that the homework will go away.

or grab a book and immerse myself in it.

OMG what am I doing...

I was supposed to choose pictures for moral folio...

ok I DID choose them out,

and now I'm playing facebook and all kinds of things.

I'm gonna feel guilty about this later...

I'm in THE MOST IMPORTANT year of school,

yet I done virtually nil, nada, zilch, nix, of preparation.

okay, not wanting to be a hypocrite,

I admit that I have gone through last year's history chapter 1,

and leafed through Biology

see, I can't make myself do addmaths for one friggin' hour.

I know...I've got to disciplined and hardworking and score 10A+

but I can't seem to pick up speed...grrr...frustrating.

studying used to be a lot easier for me.

now it's torture.

oh, wait, the guilt is erupting right now,

I have a compulsion to end my blog and sign out.

maybe even pick up physics and study at night,

to muffle Guilt's screams at me.

Amateur book review

2010-04-16T22:34:00.005+08:00

Ok, here's a few books I've been reading this year. I know I've been spending more hours that I should reading fictional stuff, but these are quite worth the read.

Percy Jackson series is your thing if you're into Greek Gods and heroes and monsters. The recommended age of readers as printed on the back is 9 and above, so the author's style in this series is slightly childish and predictable if you ask me, but at the same time it's humorous and cheeky. I think that the books are a good effort to resurrect the ancient beliefs and some childhood fantasies of having superpowers.

Ah, something I would recommend for people who are into fashion and style. "Confessions of a Shopaholic" has been made into a movie a few years back, though I've never watched it. Nor does it matter because Sophie Kinsella's writting brings readers right onto the streets of London and into the shops where the atmosphere smells like expensive Gucci bags and Vera Wang evening dresses.

Loads of quirky monologues that remind you of yourself, heroin Rebecca Bloomwood is unafraid of disclosing her innermost thoughts and conflicts of whether to get the red prada shoes or the Clementine sandals. No, wait, on second thought, she takes both. Seriously, this is as good as chick-lit writing gets, and I highly recommend the Shopaholic series for people whose lives include credit cards, overdrafts, financial advisors, shopping, and endless debates on what to tell your bank manager when you're overdebt.

The End of Mr Y.

Well, erm...I haven't read this book yet, but I will do so after tackling my Mount Everest of homework. The only reason why I bought this book is because:

1. It cost RM5 at a book clearance sale

2. I think the cover is just intriguing and I'd never get over myself if i didn't grab it.

(okay, I'm starting to sound like a shopaholic now)

3. Take a look at the side of the book,

when was the last time you saw a book with BLACK sides???

will update after I read the book, but judging from the press reviews,

it shouldn't be too disappointing.

From my window, I spy....

2010-04-15T22:23:00.002+08:00

This is the view of the outside world from my seat in class. The river may seem green and serene and all that, but let me assure you, that it is NOT nice at all. It is placid if not teeming with catfish that feed on the oh-so-often rubbish bags that float past. Monitor lizards taking a dip have also been sighted from my 4-storey outpost.

There is a Dell factory (yes, the computer brand, Dell) less than a kilometer from the school fence. I mean, how hi-tech is that? I'm quite sure that our school gets free computers to compensate the occasional foul reek coming from the factory. Surely they must? Just look at how filthy my window panes are! (okay, its partially because of our negligence. But hey, who doesn't get fed up of wiping the windows if they get dirty the very next day!)

Wish people could be more educated and stop dumping into the river...the morning mist hovering above it is as ominous as graveyard lights. I haven't an inkling of why some people mistake it for "beautiful scenery" when the waters look a sickly shade of mucky green, and I'll be the last person to be surprised, when a row of gigantic dorsal fins loom out of the pollution soup. Who knows? I'd be the first one to discover the Malaysian Lochness monster.

Victory!

2010-04-15T16:15:00.003+08:00

Today was the final round for zone M7 parliamentary style english debate. And....

We won!!!! Secretly deep inside I knew we would (coz we have darren the hottie on our team). But somewhere along the debate I was having doubts, due to my own over-confidence and stupidity of not preparing my speech properly. But once again, I'm glad that Violet and Darren are on our team, and that they did great to cover up for my mistakes.

Though I'll never say it out loud, i love u guys and it's been a pleasure to know ya'll. I'll be sorry when we retire from debate after the competition.

Global Warming a myth? I Don't think so.

2010-04-12T20:00:00.001+08:00

Phew, lately the weather's been a killer. I don't know how many degrees Celsius it is but its definitely way off the mark of my natural habitat. Soon, the population of Lydians will be extinct if this goes on. As of the past few months, Lydians have been found to shed their coats and only clad in tatty singlets to reduce heat insulation.

Air-conditioned rooms have also been dominated by the rare species in the struggle to survive the blistering heat. Lydians are in nature fiery creatures and require at least 2 litres of water a day. With the ongoing hot weather, the warm-blooded Lydians have even been found in swimming pools and evolving their swimming skills.

Sadly, the poor creatures are defenseless against the wrath of the sun and humid weather and can only hope for monsoon/winter to come sooner this year.

Playing with my blog,

2010-04-11T20:59:00.002+08:00

Don't mind me...
just checking out how to play with HTML codes and geeky stuff.
So you may find my blog a little different each time you visit.
BTW,how the hell do people make their blogs so nice?
advice appreciated!

Dedicated to a lost friend and pet,

2010-04-03T19:16:00.003+08:00

The time has come,
thus ends your suffering.
may you find peace and serenity
wherever you go next.
Cheers! you will live in our hearts forever!

It rained harder than usual today,
and I wonder whether heaven is honoring you,
for a long and hard life u have had,
as faithful guardian of our home.

No longer shall you be chained to your duties,
as the last shovel of dirt is set,
so is your soul on its way to Elysium,
where the heroic and virtuous finally rest.
Farewell, my friend!

Uncertainty kills

2010-03-31T23:03:00.000+08:00

Blabbering rubbish is what you get for being uncertain of yourself. I learned that from sucking in a debate today. A mock debate at that. For some reason I feel rather unfocused recently, like my life's flying in all directions and I'm not holding the reins. Bah, what's gotten into you, Lydia! Seriously, get a grip!

okay, just need to say this like 1000 times,repeat after me:
I DO NOT SUCK/SCREW UP/SAY STUPID THINGS!!!!!!!
I AM ALWAYS DOING MY BEST AND AT MY BEST!!!!!!!

there, some personal therapy is cost-free and more effective than going to some sit-down conversation with a shrink who charges hundreds per hour. Honestly, I'm feeling more certain of myself already! okay, say it another 1000 times and I'll be good to go again.

BTW, Is there a god of charisma or something? Yes, I've been reading Percy Jackson recently, and it would be good to believe that there are specialized gods out there working their magic, and there's someone to blame for the unfortunate circumstances that happens. but sometimes i prefer saying " S**T just happens!".

okay, let's put this new-found confidence to test. I'm just gonna start preparing for another mock debate now.

Rant: Life is a waking dream

2010-03-27T22:56:00.000+08:00

Ever felt that your dream self is responding too slowly?
Ever felt like whispering in his/her ears the right answers?

I wish someone could do that for me. As in, real life. Too often i get the most uncanny Déjà vu. For me, it doesnt necessarily happen in a dream. It comes in figments of imagination...or fleeting thoughts, which i discard from my oh-so-busy mind. But there it is, lurking in the innermost depths of my brain. And when occasion arises, a trigger is pulled, a button is pushed. The images spring to my consciousness, and for a few seconds, they narrate the exact scene happening in front of my eyes!

Cool huh? Except when u turn around to some1 beside you and mumble :"did u...i think...i know this guy...no, actually i dont...but i've seen this stranger somewhere"
And your friend gives you the "whatever,-i-dont-care" look. So i prefer keeping it to myself.

I rarely dream nowadays(now-a-nights,whatever u call it). Real life sucks in the sense that you can't wake up from it. There's no safety net telling you its okay to get chased around by zombies in your dream. Of course, your dream self is just as frightened and terrified by zombies! But once you snap out of sleep to the ringing of your alarm clock, your dreams dissipate as stealthily as they arrived. By the time you're brushing your teeth, they're gone. In reality, you get caught by zombies, you're dead. (btw,the whole zombies thing is just a metaphor ok)

Imma end by saying: don't screw up your life coz you only get one of those!